Dear Dad: Please Don’t Worry (A Treatise on Solo Female Travel)
Dear Dad,
I know you've probably heard the news. You've probably read this story and this story and maybe even this story about the 33-year-old American woman who went on a solo holiday and never came home. You've probably heard on the news about how her body was found in Turkey nearly 2 weeks after she was supposed to return to New York; probably read about the husband and children she left behind.
And I know, Dad, that you're probably picturing ME as that woman. Picturing MY name in those headlines and imagining that trip to Istanbul to — God forbid — identify MY body.
You are my daddy, and you are supposed to react this way to stories like this.
But please, Dad. Don't worry.
I know that's easier said than done, especially with comments flying around the Internet about how solo female travel is “downright foolish” and how “a woman has no business traveling alone.” Secretly, I'm sure you agree with them to some extent. And I understand.
Because, again, you are my daddy, and you are supposed to care like this.
Like the time this summer when I had to give you the full names of the people I'd be staying with in London so that (as Mom put it) you could “start the search” if I went missing, “Taken”-style. Just last week you were trying to remember a recent story about a girl who went missing in Peru as I told you about my upcoming adventures.
I want you to know that I know that you worry.
But I also want you to realize that the world isn't nearly as big and bad and scary for us women as the media would lead you to believe.
Yes, it's terrible what happened to Sarai Sierra in Turkey. I'm not trying to make light of that fact, or the sad situation her loved ones now find themselves in. But I also beg you, Dad, along with other parents, siblings, spouses, and friends to take a second to look at the situation before using the case of Sierra to condemn solo female travel.
This tragic event could have happened ANYWHERE. In fact, it happens every day all over the world. If this woman had turned up dead this way in her home state of New York, no doubt the story would have made the news. But it would not have had the same international appeal, because, sadly, violent crime in the United States is basically “old news.” A story of a tourist being killed abroad, though? That's media gold that is sure to send people into a panic.
But let me ask you, Dad: Did parents stop sending their children to school after the Sandy Hook shootings in December? Do we swear off driving cars after every bad accident we see highlighted on the news (because, statistically speaking, I am MUCH more likely to die in a car crash than at the hands of a man in Turkey)? The answers are, unequivocally, NO.
So why should women stop traveling solo because of what happened to one woman?
I think my friend Stephanie summed it up perfectly with this comment on Facebook: “you can get murdered anywhere, and I think it's messed up the way that more people question why a woman was traveling solo than why a man killed her.”
Amen.
But, because I know you are still worrying, Dad, and because, deep down, I know you don't really understand why I would want to travel on my own in the first place, I should probably try to explain it to you.
Why Travel Solo?
- Empowerment. Traveling alone as a woman does wonders for one's self-confidence. Since I've started traveling solo, Dad, I've become a much stronger person — I'm sure you've noticed. This actually makes me feel LESS likely to be the victim of some horrible crime, because it's made me more confident in speaking up when I feel uncomfortable, as well as more able to take care of myself.
- Street smarts. Solo travel has made it essential for me to ALWAYS be aware of my surroundings. Not just for safety's sake, but also for practical reasons so I don't get lost or get ripped off. It's baffling to me how many people — both male and female — lack common sense, Dad. And I blame a lot of this on the fact that these people are never really given the opportunity to fend for themselves in the real world. When I travel alone, I research cultural taboos, common scams, and neighborhoods/attractions to avoid. I go into my solo travel experiences INFORMED, which automatically makes them safer. I also don't do stupid things like flaunt expensive electronics in public, meet up with complete strangers, walk around alone at night, or EVER get drunk on my own.
- Personal development. Lastly, I feel like traveling on my own has made me a better, more well-rounded person. When you only have yourself for company, you discover a lot about the person that you are. You grow and change and develop in ways that you never could while living in a little bubble at home. And how could that ever be a bad thing, Dad?
People argue that women have to be more diligent when they are alone. And I might be inclined to agree — but this applies ANYWHERE, and not just when traveling. Whether I go out to a bar in Kent, Ohio or a bar in Istanbul, Turkey, I have to be aware of my surroundings; it doesn't matter what country I'm in.
But as far as the chances of me being killed abroad, Dad? The probability is probably a lot lower than you think. In fact, did you know that, according to murder statistics, women are FAR more likely to be killed at home, by someone they know than in public by a stranger? And, did you also know that, according to a report on homicide in the United States by the Bureau of Justice Statistics, MEN represent 77% of murder victims? Meaning that “the victimization rates for males [are] 3 times higher than the rates for females.”
That's right — you are actually more likely to get killed if you have a penis.
Based on that statistic, I should be more worried about YOU currently traveling by yourself in Florida.
The truth is, bad things happen to good people all the time. People get robbed, raped, and murdered every day all over the world — and most of them AREN'T travelers. It just so happens that the victimized female tourists of the world, who are already going against the invisible grain of society by traveling alone, draw more attention than the man murdered over drugs or the woman raped and beaten by her husband.
And therein lies the REAL issue at hand.
I love you, Dad. Please don't worry.
Amanda
* * *
And now for the practical part of this post…
Tips for Safe Solo Travel
None of these tips are earth-shattering. In fact, I would call most of them common sense. But these 5 little bits of advice go a long way towards keeping me safe when I'm traveling alone. And note that these are just tips for safe “solo travel” — meaning they apply to BOTH genders!
- Tell someone where you are going. It doesn't matter if you're a woman or not — if you're traveling alone, SOMEone back home should know of your plans. Check in often, and let them know about any changes you make, or if there might be a stretch of time when you might be off-grid and unable to be reached. With e-mail, Skype, and free texting apps like WhatsApp, staying in touch while traveling today is ridiculously easy.
- Do your research on neighborhoods/attractions/scams to avoid. All it takes is a simple Google search on the destination you're headed to to learn about the things to avoid. Whether it's a tea scam in China or a neighborhood to avoid in Chicago, DO YOUR RESEARCH. Not only will you develop those street smarts I mentioned earlier, but you'll also be exponentially more aware when you're out and about — and being aware means being safer.
- Don't carry around a lot of valuables. It makes sense, right? If you've got a ton of fancy camera equipment, 2 iPads, a gold watch, and a fat wallet sticking out of your back pocket, you will automatically be a bigger target for pickpockets and other nefarious characters who populate most large cities around the world.
- Use the buddy system. There's a reason you learned about it in elementary school — there IS usually safety in numbers. This is especially recommended at night and/or away from very public places.
- Don't be an idiot. If it's not something you would do at home, why would you do it while traveling? In the case of Sierra, there are some people questioning whether her time in Turkey was really as innocent as her family is making it out to be. Whatever the truth is doesn't really matter, though — murder is still murder and no one really “deserves” it. But if you're considering doing something illegal while traveling? You might want to consider the possible consequences first.
- Listen to your gut. Lastly, your own instincts are very often your best line of defense. If something doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't. If your gut is telling you to remove yourself from a situation, then LISTEN.
For more great opinions on the solo female travel debate, check out these posts:
- Women's solo travel under scrutiny after vacationer's killing in Turkey
- Female Solo Travel is NOT the Problem
- The Solo Female Travel Experience
- Should Women Travel Solo?
- Solo Travel Safety
- Solo female travel: why it's a label I support
- The Women Traveling Solo Question
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What's YOUR take on women traveling solo?
Amanda Williams is the award-winning blogger behind A Dangerous Business Travel Blog. She has traveled to more than 60 countries on 6 continents from her home base in Ohio, specializing in experiential and thoughtful travel through the US, Europe, and rest of the world. Amanda only shares tips based on her personal experiences and places she's actually traveled!
Fast work Amanderrrr! There’s so many safe places around the world, and so much great advice out there, I can’t believe America can be so afraid. Some citizens of the US are much more sheltered than they realise! Practically everyone is citing the film Taken, lol. Good movie.
I just can’t believe you said the word Penis in a letter to your Dad tho! Poor Dad! 😀
Hahaha. Ask my Dad – that’s pretty tame for me!
But, all joking aside, yes, a lot of Americans are woefully uneducated about what the world “out there” is really like. It makes me sad.
Very well said, Amanda. I really truly traveled solo for the first time in 2010. I rarely share this, but my husband is in the military and he deployed to Afghanistan. As I sat in my house in Italy, without a single friend or family member around crying my eyes out that first weekend, I decided I was being ridiculous. I pulled myself together and I got in the car and went on my first solo road trip. And I did it every single weekend for the next 6 months that he was in Afghanistan. I’d hear the other military wives whispering how irresponsible I was being – and how they were just shocked I was pining away and whining about missing my husband like the rest of them were.
Sure, I missed my husband and I worried every single day as I heard about suicide bombers and attacks on his location in Afghanistan. But that 6 months traveling around Europe solo taught me a lot about myself and it really took the edge off a stressful time.
There is absolutely no reason women shouldn’t travel solo, so long as they are smart about it. It’s a very rewarding experience as well as empowering.
Good for you, Jennifer! I agree – as long as you are smart about it, there is NO reason why you shouldn’t travel solo.
The benefits, in my opinion, far outweigh the risks.
Yes, I love your section on why solo travel. I never realized the skills I was developing while studying in France until I went abroad again to China. I was absolutely floored by how incapable the other interns were of getting by on their own and I quickly became the ‘mother’ of the group.
Traveling alone helped me develop the confidence to know I can get shit done, all on my own!
Travel solo does WONDERS for a person’s identity development! I wouldn’t trade my solo travel experiences for anything. They’ve helped me grow SO MUCH as a person.
“Whether I go out to a bar in Kent, Ohio or a bar in Istanbul, Turkey, I have to be aware of my surroundings; it doesn’t matter what country I’m in.”
Very well put Amanda. I think people forget that sometimes since they ‘feel’ safer at home or think their loved ones will be safer at home.
I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend making a trip to your local sporting goods store and picking up a pepper spray for under 10 bucks. It can give you that tiny bit of upper hand and piece of mind in case you ever really need it (simply walking at night by yourself, etc).
Just stick it in your checked bag at the airport and carry it with you when you travel or at home. It’s not being paranoid, just a bit more prepare… just in case. Peace.
As someone who grew up very close to a city that was consistently ranked VERY high up on the list of “Most Dangerous Places in America” (based on murder rates), I always find it ironic when people don’t realize that they are often in JUST as much danger at home as they would be abroad. In fact, perhaps MORE danger, because you tend to be more relaxed and not as attentive when near “home” and places that are familiar to you.
This could be very bad advice depending on where you travel. It’s illegal to bring pepper spray/mace/equivalent into the UK, and it’s certainly illegal to use it. Definitely check the laws before you bring things like that into a new country.
Good on ya, Amanda. The horrible comments people have said about the situation are truly ignorant and make me fiercely angry.
Same here, Caroline. Same here.
A really brilliant post, written so well! I feel a wee bit more empowered just by reading it!
Thanks, Clare!
Well said, Amanda! Sounds like all of our parents watched the same movie before we departed on our trips… perhaps we should start a support group or collective blog for all of them to cope with our crazy life choices 😉
Hahaha I think that sounds like a fabulous idea, Angie.
She was from New York??? And the implication that is Turkey is dangerous … How many people were shot in NY by strangers last year again? The only time I’ve been nervous of my personal safety in over 30 years of travel, often solo, was in San Francisco – Egypt no worries, Syria no problem (at the time), India easy, SF – very, very scary in the middle of the day in the middle of town.
Yup. And yet all these people spouting off against women traveling and traveling to Turkey probably don’t realize that the violent crime rates in their own home towns are likely higher than in Istanbul!
LOVED this, Amanda! Thanks so much for writing such an honest and wonderful piece. It’s a must-read for anyone with a female traveler in their life.
Thanks so much for the nice words, Susan! I really, really appreciate it.
I’m so glad so many people are writing about this and speaking up. It’s INSANE how many people out there think women shouldn’t travel alone because of what happened to this woman in Turkey. Yes, it’s absolutely horrible what happened to her, but it is incredibly rare and really has nothing to do with the fact that she was a woman traveling alone in a foreign country. People get so sucked into that fear that they suddenly forget or ignore how much crime goes on in their home country, especially the US. Stephanie mentioned in her post that DC has a higher murder rate than Bogota, Colombia, but as she said, no one would ever warn her about walking around in her own city. Solo travel has done so much for me, and I always encourage others to give it a try, male or female.
This post made me cry. I love how you wrote it as a letter to your dad, made it so much more personal. I wish more people would see this and understand what it’s really like instead of giving into the fear the media pushes so heavily.
You’re so right – it’s all based in fear. Mostly fear of the unknown.
Whether it’s people saying women shouldn’t travel alone (LIES) or that Turkey is a dangerous place (MORE LIES), it’s all borne out of ignorance and fear of what those people don’t know (and refuse to learn about).
I hope this #WeGoSolo thing takes off so we can get our perspectives out there, too!
Fully agreed. I often get terrified watching and reading American media. Not terrified of the stories they are telling, but the way they are telling them. As if they want to keep everyone afraid and uphold the ‘we against them’ (whoevery ‘they’ are) feeling.
And that’s a sad, sad thing, Sofie. The whole “us against them” mentality is the worst.
Yes! You girls are my solo female travel heroes!
Awww shucks, thanks! 🙂
Well said Amanda. I’m not a women, but am happy you are talking about it. Seriously “TRAVEL” is not the problem, the problem is like you said “bad things happen to good people all the time” & when they happen it doesn’t matter if you are at home, a beautiful island or exotic city away from home.
EXACTLY, Jaime! The travel element should really be irrelevant. But, unfortunately, that’s the part everyone is focusing on in this case.
Well said! I’ll briefly tell you my friend’s story, which I left on your FB post, but so your dad can see it : Maria was traveling solo throughout SE Asia a few years back. She never had even a hint of a problem, and met enormous kindness everywhere she went. Meanwhile, back home one evening, her adult daughter was attacked by four men as she got out of her car, right outside her own house (she managed to get back in the car and drive away). It happens, sadly, everywhere.
Your dad may also be interested to know (if he doesn’t already) that many Europeans are afraid of going to the US (solo or not) because of all the violence we read about. I’ve traveled alone in the US, and like Maria in Asia, met only kindness, so that also happens everywhere, and a lot more than violence does happily.
Thanks for re-sharing that story, Linda (and for that interesting tidbit about people being wary of traveling to the US!).
It IS true that kindness does happen more than violence. But, unfortunately, it’s usually only the violence that the media chooses to report on.
Amanda, this is such a wonderful piece. Absolutely right on. And I love the quote by Stephanie. SO TRUE.
Thank you, Kim. It was something I felt really needed written, and hopefully it resonates with others!
YES.
Solo female travel power!
WOO! touché
Thanks, lady!
I’m so glad that my dad is the man that he is. For a the son of a conservative Chinese man, my dad is incredibly egalitarian and progressive. He has never made me or my sister feel less capable than we are and had encouraged us to travel.
My sister moved to Japan I her own the same year I wanted to move away for university at 18, my mom did not want me to but my dad talked sense into her. When I moved to Toronto the year after for an internship, my mom nearly lost her head and my dad was the one to again, tell her that I’ve already moved to Waterloo on my own and is be just fine in Toronto.
And when I decided to move to Perú for 4 months to volunteer, the only thing my dad did was question how the volunteering stint would affect my university work/study credit. And then he helped me buy my ticket to Lima.
At 27 now, 3 continents and more to come… My mom still worries and things I can’t read a map. I’m so grateful that my dad has always supported my independence and encouraged it as much as he could. I would not be the woman, fiercely independent and strong, that I am today had he raised me to be a “daddy’s girl”. I see the differences between my life and other young Asian women who were brought up in much more conservative settings and I thank my lucky stars.
I am so much more independent, aware, confident and empowered because I travel alone.
You’re very lucky that your dad is so supportive, Renee! He sounds awesome!